Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Squeezy things?

Do you have any idea how often you use your thumb in a simple operation like taking a shower and prepping up after? How many squeezy things we have in our bathrooms?

First, of course, you turn on the shower. Naturally, I reach with my right hand. I simply can't grip things with the right hand anymore. So I switch to the left - that one's easy. Do I remember to use the left hand on the next project? Of course not!

There's the squeezy shampoo bottle, then the liquid face wash. Rinse the hair and then it's the squeezy conditioner bottle. Wrong hand again, of course. Then it's the bath wash - open the lid and squeeze - uh hunh. Switch hands.

Grab the razor - oops, there it goes onto the deck! Popping the razor part off, naturally. Pick that sucker up carefully and the thumb pops, snapping it bouncing off the shower door. Pick it up this time with the left hand and carefully snap it back in place. Shave the pits and legs, and only cut myself twice as the thumb jerks around! Did worse when I tried it with the other hand!

Rinse the hair and body and turn off the water. Oops, other hand, you dumb blonde!

Thankfully I can dry off normally! Then it's the pretty-up part.

I use a crystal instead of standard deodorant, and I only dropped it once! Eye cream to get rid of the bags - by the time I squeezed that one, I had enough for four days. Try to open the sucker to put some back? That one took some doing!

Then the regenerating serum to keep moisture in the face (it's a dry heat, remember?!!) Thankfully that's a 'push down' top, and I can do that one with any finger. If I can coordinate the hand!!

OK, now we open the jar for the anti-wrinkle cream. Old age sucks! Can't get a grip on it with the right hand, so I do it with the left. Feels like it turns the wrong way, but it's just my mind playing games. Put the lid back on. Oops, wrong hand again.

Make-up? Now this is the fun part! :o((
I don't use much make-up - basically just eye color. Go ahead - try putting on eye shadow with your 'other' hand! And then some eyeliner! Make-up lessons from KISS!! One big splotch up almost to my eyebrow. Clean that off and start over! I wouldn't do it at all, except I've actually been invited out to lunch and have to look at least half decent.

My hair? It's so damned hot that there's no sense in trying to blow-dry it into anything resembling a 'do', because as soon as I walk outside, my head will sweat anything I've attempted into the trash! So I just want to use a curl brush and try to turn the ends under a bit. With my left hand because I just can't get a grip on the bloody brush with my right thumb! I'm looking like Phyllis Diller!

OK, the face/hair is as good as it's gonna get. Now I need to get a couple band-aids out of the snap top can. Not with the right thumb, I don't! Yeah - got it with the left! Pulled out about four too many, but I'll need them later, so I just left them on the counter. Now let's tear the little paper off the band-aid. That was fun. Easy-open packaging - tell me about it!

Finally get the band-aid out of the wrapping and peel off the cover and the thumb pops and the band-aid sticks to itself and ends up in the trash. Good thing I have a couple extras on the counter. Get the second one open, and manage to get it on my leg to cover the four stitches. Now I need to put the next one on my right arm near the elbow where I had three pre-cancers burned (frozen). Gotta protect then from the lymphedema compression sleeve. This was a big one, so it was somewhat easier.

What's left? Oh, yeah, some lotion to protect the dry skin. That one is easy - the left hand gets used as much as the right normally in that process. A little awkward reaching some areas, but good exercise!

Oh dear. I need to touch-up the fingernail polish on one nail on the left hand. The bottle top sticks, as they always do, so I grip it with the little finger against the palm and get it. Gently, oh so gently, I grasp the cap and brush some polish on the nail, and the next fingertip, and the counter-top as the damned thumb snaps down.

This is getting really old. It's actually kind of funny watching my mishaps pile up thru the day. I'll get used to the bloody thumb, and deal with the problems, as I always try to do. But it really does reach a point where I can't help but wonder who I pissed off so much that I keep getting more and more little traumas and dramas to stumble thru! I've been tested enough! Whoever is in charge of the voodoo doll can quit any time now!!!

Well - it's only supposed to reach 112 today, so I won't be wearing many clothes! And I think I'll pass on trying to put earrings on. I'd probably punch a new hole in the ear if I did! I do believe I'll have a little drinkie with lunch! or two!!!

Wishing you sunshine, gentle breezes, no flooding, no fires, no tornadoes, no power outages, no earthquakes, no hurricanes, yada yada yada. Tell Mama Nature you love her and to please be nice to us, everywhere! And if you see anyone playing with voodoo dolls, please shoot them for me! :o)

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