Bigger

Well - I got what a wished for. Which is a reminder to be careful what you wish for! Now I have a bigger hole in my chest! Which means a longer recovery, assuming it will heal this time, which means a delay in starting the chemo (which I don't want anyway, so that's not that big a deal. hopefully!).

Dr. K was kind enough to humor me and remove the dead skin and necrosis - a big chunk (big in my eyes - about the size of a big shooter in marbles) and some extraneous stuff. I'm supposed to stuff the hole full of sterile saline soaked gauze a couple times a day. Forgot to ask her why the damned thing isn't stitched shut.

Did remember to ask about the 'stage' of cancer. She referred to it as Stage 2b. This translates to almost exactly the same verbiage as I mentioned a couple posts ago when describing the "TNM cancer stage - T2, pN1a, MX", in that the tumor was larger than 2cm and smaller than 5cm and had spread to the lymph nodes. Since what we hear in the TV shows and movies is usually about stage 4 or 5, being horribly advanced, I guess I'm doing OK, relatively speaking!!

My Silver Fox took me in for the 'procedure' and asked after if I had been stressed or worried or in pain. Said I was not, then had to laugh, because I realized he'd spotted my special personal relief mode - something I'd never shared with anyone. Don't need it often, but it does get used in the dental chair, or when I get a mammogram, or as yesterday, get carved open and bleed. I force all stressful thoughts, images, pain, down from my head (brain), down thru my body, down my legs and out my toes - I wiggle my toes to whatever rhythm they choose to rid myself of all bad feelings. I knew my toes were dancing dramatically while I watched Dr. K cut me up again. Mac was kind enough not to mention it in the office, and tried his best to ask casually if I was OK. What can I say? It works for me. If my toes are dancing, the rest of me is calm and still for whatever is being done to me.

Anyway, now it's just a 'hurry up and wait' situation again - gotta heal before we can go any further in this adventure. But the sun is shining, so things are looking up!