One pill
Today’s message is really vital, and if you find it so, I’d appreciate you sharing it. I may be blonde, but I’m not usually stupid. I know about this crap, and it still caught me unaware.
Back on the 21st, I wrote that I was “depressed as hell” – that wasn’t the half of it. I was in a very dark hole, a very black place, thinking very very bad thoughts. And of course I hadn’t told anyone about it, or thought of asking for help, because “I can fix it myself”!!!
Wrong. Oh, so very wrong.
Somehow, when listing all those various nasty side effects that my current therapy, Herceptin and Femara, might offer, I neglected the one that is affecting me the most – hot flashes! They are already more frequent and more severe. So the poison palace staff upped the anti-depressant I’m taking, Venlafaxine (Effexor), because it is known to help tone down hot flashes, among other things.
No big deal, right? Because I’ve been taking it for some time, basically because of the hot flashes that returned to haunt me when I had to cut out the HRT (hormone replacement therapy) when originally diagnosed with this little bump in the road. It was working fine, and logic said that more would help more.
Now I don’t know about you, but I ALWAYS read the fine print that comes with my prescription drugs. And that fine print is always scary, isn’t it. It reads like the side effects of the poisons I’ve been taking for the last several months. But the pharmaceutical companies have to print it all out for us, have to cover their collective asses, because once in a long while, someone experiences some problems from these drugs. But the doctor says it’s good, and we need it, so we take it anyway. Right?
Well. I’m fortunate beyond words that my incredible circle of friends saw my simple note in that blog posting on the 21st and started bugging me. I wanted to be left alone, but they wouldn’t stop harassing me. Thank goodness! I was suicidal.
After numerous emails and phone calls from my loving friends on Sunday, my depressed chemo brain was forced to step back and take a look at when this all started. It began the day after I took the first raised dose of the anti-depressant. It started with the endless hours of sleep, and went downhill from there. Fast. From being my positive warrior self to a whimpering, tearful suicidal blob took only 3 days. Three fucking days!
I was sitting here blaming myself, thinking I’d finally lost it, I could no longer keep a stiff upper lip and walk tall thru the trauma of this beast – I was forever destined to be a hopeless, helpless, boobless ugly worthless shadow of a woman. And I believed it. Three days! One fucking pill did that to me!
Suzie, my dear dear friend Suzie, is the one who finally pinned it down. She went online and pulled up the fine print for Venlafaxine and line item by line item, it was my symptoms.
I haven’t taken another pill. 150mg of Venlafaxine almost caused my death! That is not an exaggeration. And that is why I hope you’ll share this with friends.
I knew this could happen. I’ve seen it happen to other people, to friends. As I said earlier, I’m usually not stupid. But this shit can take over, with no warning, and you CAN lose yourself…anyone can. I did.
There is no blame to be laid anywhere here. We all know that most doctors now agree that depression is a caused by a chemical imbalance in your system. Unfortunately, Western medicine chooses to use more chemicals to bring the imbalance back into balance :o) Unlike the Eastern cultures which work to bring your chi or qi or however you choose to spell it back into balance with acupuncture and herbs and meditation. Whatever method, it’s trial and error and experimentation. My last little experiment was a total failure.
I talked with my favorite doctor yesterday, the day after our diagnosis of my troubles, and she confirmed that, although very rare, it happens – an antidepressant can make depression worse – she called it an oxymoron. No shit.
Please, please, look after yourself, and for sure, keep an eye on your friends and loved ones for any unusual behavior. It could be as simple as a new pill.
posted by GallivantingGayle @ 9:27 AM
1 Comments
1 Comments:
Hi Sweetie:
I have just finished your latest blog concerning your experience with EFFEXOR. I must say Gayle that I am most concerned with the results of your using this medicine. You and I email back and forth often and I have noted, on occasion, your depression. I must tell you that it has concerned me quite a bit. I attributed it to the pure hell your body has been going through for such a long time. Never knowing for sure what the next day, or even the next hour would hold for you. You've bravely faced each new "trauma exercise" with patience and assurity, at least from your outward demonstration of your inner feelings.
Little did any of us suspect what you were going through. ˇ
thank God for "Suzzie The Angel". She is so special in her friendship for you. You must be asking yourself, "How did I let this happen to me with all the other shit I have to deal with?" I think you did because you had to !! Anything that the doctors could prescribe to arrest the horrible feelings you were having at the time, was just plain needed. No questions asked.
Sweetie, I've shared with you the many medical situations that I've been involved in since we knew each other in Fresno so many years ago. What we didn't know at that time is what the future held for both of us, If we had, I'm pretty sure we'd be talking to each other today from green pastures elsewhere.
I may have mentioned to you that one of my 14 prescriptions I take a daily is 175 MG of Effexor, and that I've been on it for the last 15 years. The scary thing is that I've had several episodes where I've thought there must be another way. I always bounce back and somehow I'm happy I didn't choose that other way........I think.
I have read the precautions and warnings on EFFEXOR on the "Government required prescription notifications". I have even talked with my Physicians concerning this. I'm always consoled by the Doc's that a problem only exists with 1 in 10,000,000 people and that I have nothing to worry about as long as I'm not the 10 millioneth person. Comforting? That depends on how much faith I place in my Doctors wisdom.
Don't you just love the Pharmaceutical ads on T.V. that, through FDA requirements, note the side effects related to their medications?
These actors must have to take a six month speech class to learn how to speak that fast.
You have done a wonderful service in warning all who read your blog about the effects of this drug.
Be sure to keep us posted on any other forms of treatment you run into. I would be most interested. In the meantime, let's hope that you don't receive notification that you are being sued by the drug manufacturer for "Slander". You know, where else could that happen but in the good ole' U. S. of A.
Love ya,
Lee
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